As I prepare to launch my new website (tomorrow!), I can’t help but think of my husband. Alex has believed in me from day one—always supporting my dreams, pumping me up when I feel lost, playing editor when I’m stuck. He’s a big part of why I’m still here, blogging (and believing). And really, I couldn’t do this work without his blessing, because I simply would not be an effective writer if he didn’t allow me to pull him into my TMI world.

You see, it was Alex himself who once told me that I had to be willing to be one hundred percent honest if I wanted to be a good writer. He pushed me to write from a much deeper, more compelling and relatable place inside me than I had before….and in so doing, Lola’s Child was born. The beautiful thing is, Alex had to really put himself out there in order to give me that advice, because being honest as a writer means sharing some of our most intimate moments with the world, which he has graciously allowed me to do. He has given up a large chunk of his privacy (and allowed me to embarrass him at times) so that I could have this dream to believe in.

So, thank you, dear! Thank you for believing in me more than I believe in myself at times!

The other day, Emerson discovered my purse. It’s been sitting on a chair, right under her nose, for thirteen months, and she has never paid it any attention before. Yet now, she was impatiently struggling with the zipper, desperate to see what lived inside it. And, as I watched, I found myself just as curious about its contents. You see, I haven’t used that purse (or any purse at all) since I became a mother. I carried one with me for a short while in the beginning until, little by little, all the items that were necessary to my life migrated into Emerson’s diaper bag, which is always with me. The rest of the once-important items were left behind in that purse, on that chair.

As Emerson dug through my abandoned purse, my old life jumped out and sprawled itself across the kitchen floor, telling a story I had temporarily forgotten. There were various beauty accessories for the woman who used to not only wear makeup daily, but would also freshen up throughout the day. There was the small pocket flashlight that I used to carry when I lived in an urban high rise so I could find my keys when I dropped them on the ground in the dark parking garage. There was a chunk of amethyst from the days when I was so consumed with my spiritual yoga and meditation practices that I carried various stones with me to benefit from their “energy.” (Yes, really). There was the foot balm I used to rub on my achilles tendons to heal and prevent friction from my high heels. There was the morning sickness pops from when I was pregnant. And the soap leaves I used to bring with me when I went camping. And at last, my business card case filled with cards that read: Lola Rain Photography.

Emerson was most taken by the business cards. She tried and tried to open the case until finally it snapped in half. As I watched her manhandle my former life, I couldn’t help but see the meaning in the moment. I was all hers now, and that life of mine felt so far away. At first, I felt a bit of sadness and longing as Emerson began to eat one of my business cards. But, the feeling was quickly replaced with a knowing confidence in the choices I’ve made. I felt the calling of a life to come, a new combination of the old and the current and some other things I’ve yet to realize.

It’s as if Emerson was trying to tell me it was okay to unpack the past….that I wouldn’t lose anything by cleaning out that purse. She began to carry my business cards with her everywhere she went, leaving a trail behind her. I’m still finding those cards all over the house. But, I smile while picking them up. Because, those cards remind me of what I accomplished before, what talent and determination live inside me, what is still very much a part of me, but is gracefully waiting for me to return to it when this job called motherhood allows the space.

The following post was written by Alex, my dear husband. Thanks, Alex! 

As head chef in my household, I am required to vacillate between the role of Macgyver and head of a psychiatric ward. This combination leads to a certain schizophrenia behind the oven that I will try to explain here.

To help illustrate, imagine the following sequence: put water in the baby food maker, save Emerson from near electrocution from computer cord, open baby oatmeal only to realize the measuring spoon is in the dishwasher, swipe Emerson’s mouth to recover bits of colored cardboard from the cereal box she stole out of the recycling bin, eyeball the measurements on the baby oatmeal and put in baby food maker, snatch Emerson as she grabs a handful of plaster off of the injured kitchen wall, (curse lightly under breath), wash pot for big people oatmeal, open cupboard five times at the eager instruction (points and says, “that”) of Emerson, turn light on and off with similar instruction, pull steaming hot jar out of baby food maker while burning hand, put water in big people oatmeal pan, unload a few dishes from dishwasher, offer Emerson a bite of baby oats that she refuses pointing to a tube of lanolin instead, offer lanolin to Emerson, offer oatmeal again this time successfully, snatch lid off big people pot as water boils over, get canister of big people oats only to realize it’s empty, feed Emerson a bite, run to pantry for more oats, open with scissors, feed Emerson another bite, spoon big people oats into violently boiling pot, offer Emerson another bite that she swats away with tube of lanolin spraying the counter with chunks of oatmeal…This is the easiest meal of the day. Lunch and dinner are far more challenging….

 My culinary schizophrenia is a result of the two ladies I love more than anything in the world, the profiles of which I will explore below. I will leave you to guess who is who.

Patient A

Is apparently allergic to wheat, corn, walnuts, pecans, soy, and occasionally, pea pesto. Refuses dairy, chocolate, caffeine, red meat, pork, shell fish, anything overcooked or undercooked, mixed accidentally with another food group or tainted by improper food preparation. We’re just getting warmed up here…. Doesn’t enjoy Brussels sprouts, cabbage, fiddle heads or anything at all exotic, collards or any bitter greens aside from Kale, won’t accept rhubarb, root vegetables, radishes, water chestnuts (just forget about it), apricots, blackberries, currants, cherries, dates, figs, honeydew melon, nectarines, pears, or tangerines. Occasionally, she will accept clementines, blueberries, and strawberries, but only if in season. Greens must be doused with salt, pepper and garlic to be consumed, and pasta must be slathered with no less than half a cup of legitimate (legitimate) olive oil. All, repeat ALL dishes must be served separately, and all condiments must be served on the side. Everything must be organic, especially the dirty dozen, though “clean fifteen” still vaguely suspected. The kicker: gets tired of routine meals quickly…. Needs frequent variety.

Patient B

Known allergies to dairy and coconut. Will only eat with best friend, a singing dog, serenading her and 1-2 other toys to play with while eating. Refuses bib. Occasionally will only eat if allowed to feed herself, thereby sullying chair, table, eating apparatus, and everything else in missile range. If patient sees, smells, or suspects the presence of buttered toast, will refuse to eat anything but said toast. Likes peas but only if they aren’t mashed, likes blueberries but only if dried. Caution: will eat any packaging included, accidentally or otherwise. Will eat healthy portions of dirt, dried leaves, flowers, or bits of plastic, rock, and last week’s meals left on the floor (note irony). Distracted easily, entrees soon turn into toys of mass destruction. Use extreme caution. Kickers: Eats frequently and at odd hours. Will poop herself without warning mid-meal. 

Healthy eating is a lifestyle for me, not a “diet.” And this lifestyle choice does more than keep my body trim. My diet choices (and yours) are invariably related to my energy level, sleep, mood, cognitive ability, productivity and most importantly, the general health of my insides

So, what does healthy eating look like for me? Here’s my diet boiled down into five general tips:

1. Eat food in its natural form (or as close to it as possible)- We’ve all heard this one. Focus your diet on whole foods (think lots of fresh fruits and veggies, whole grains, and lean protein), cutting out processed food and empty calories. Yes, eating whole foods requires more time and effort, but it is a habit that can be formed like any other and so worth the adjustment. My meals are freshly prepared (or leftovers of freshly prepared foods) with an occasional minimally processed (read: quick and handy) snack. Good examples of minimally processed snacks are Lara Bars or Nut crackers with hummus.

2. Eat in/take out/carry snacks– This is a continuation of #1, really. I stick to my whole foods diet by eating meals at home, taking meals with me (for work, travel, outings), and always carrying snacks in my bag to avoid over-hungry-I-need-food-and-will-eat-anything situations from occurring. I rarely leave the house without a bottle of water, a Lara Bar, a bag of nuts, or piece of fruit.

3. Splurge mindfully– Because, we all need treats once in a while. I am no exception! But, you’re not going to find run-of-the-mill dessert items in my house. During the summer months, you will often find a container of Coconut Bliss “ice Cream” (dairy-free and made with agave syrup instead of sugar) that I like to eat covered in fresh strawberries and/or blueberries. And during the winter months, you will often find me baking gluten-free oatmeal raisin cookies made with unbleached flours and dairy-free coconut spread.

4. Avoid dairy– I know, I know. Most people want nothing to do with avoiding dairy. I admit, it is ridiculously delicious. But, I can tell you that there is a 10-15 pound difference in my body weight when I include dairy as a regular part of my diet versus not. What’s more, humans do not need dairy. It is the breast milk of another animal species, and we were not built to consume it. There are plenty of ways to get all the vitamins and minerals (calcium included) that you need without it. That said, there are also plenty of ways to make your food delicious without dairy. Some of my favorite non-dairy finds include: Earth Balance Coconut Spread, Bliss Coconut products, and Daiya Mozzarella shredded cheese.

5. Eat healthy fats– I discussed this briefly here. Healthy fats not only benefit the health of your body enormously, but they also help fill you up and stave off cravings for less healthy foods. Craving a hamburger with fries? Try a salad topped with avocado and olive oil (find the recipe for my Big Salad, chock full of healthy fats, here). Good examples of healthy fats include: avocado, nuts and nut butters, olive oil, and fish.

Happy eating, folks!

In honor Emerson’s birthday I am having a (small) give away! For, if it wasn’t for the birth of my sweet angel (and muse) I wouldn’t have found my voice as a writer, nor would I have found something I am passionate enough about to write about every day. And, if it wasn’t for YOU, my lovely readers, this blog would be nothing.

So, I am giving away a copy of one of my favorite children’s book, The Night You Were Born! Though I have many favorites, this one is most dear to my heart. Alex read this book to my belly every night during the last half of my pregnancy, and we continue to read it to Emerson today. The story has always touched my heart (and on occasion, made me tear up). Not to mention, the pictures are beautiful works of art.

To enter, leave a comment (here or on Facebook) telling me what your favorite book was as a child (or any comment at all!). I will pick the winner on random.org next Thursday (the cut off will be 6:00 pm EST, Wednesday). Good luck!

I have about ten posts sitting here, all of which are three quarters of the way complete. It’s maddening. The past few weeks have just felt a little too jam-packed with life, if you know what I mean. There have been blizzards and broken appliances, tax appointments and a baby who fights sleep, car shopping and a husband who has had to work past bedtime. I’m not sure what is going on in the Universe, but I’m hoping things will mellow soon. Regardless, I promise I will complete some of my posts this week! Stay tuned….

It’s been a crazy past two weeks with the holidays, traveling six hours to Maine with a baby, hosting a Christmas weekend for nine people at our house (yikes!), having Alex home from work. It’s been chaotic as heck yet so lovely.

So, here’s some random Emerson in an adorable jacket my father brought back from Paris….