I wish my daughter loved them a little less. Don’t get me wrong, I totally enjoy our nursing bond and will continue to nurse her for as long as she likes. I don’t really mind waking up in the middle of the night to feed her, even after eight months of doing so. I think it’s sweet that she likes to caress or hold onto the opposite breast as she nurses. I’m mostly amused by her drive-by sucking—grabbing my shirt open and taking a few sips in the middle of playing, then continuing on her way. I can handle the fact that she has transformed my boobs from an erogenous zone to a 24-hour diner (although, my husband feels slightly different about this one).

But, for the love of all things motherly, WHY must she use her new-found ability to grab things pincer-style to twist my nipples back and forth like she’s trying to find the right radio station?! And, WHEN will she stop biting me?! Sometimes, she even flicks my nipple back and forth between her fingers like she’s trying to get a handle on a fire hose that’s out of control. And she aims it up at my face and sprays me in the eye. While I’m trying to sleep. Seriously, I cannot find a way to stop girlfriend from manhandling me all. night. long. The minute it’s dark in the room, the pinching fingers come out. And the minute the lights are on, she bites me and then laughs. Laughs in my face.

When will nursing return to being sweet instead of semi-tortuous? Right now, I tense up with anxiety as I bring her to my breast, not knowing what she’s going to inflict upon me. I am flashing back to those first few weeks when my nipples were cracked and bleeding and I was miserable (when it came to breastfeeding). I got through that, and I will get through this, but fuck.

That is all.