Mother Woman

Yesterday morning I frantically threw together a bag of snacks, diapers, and diversion tactics while simultaneously feeding Emerson lunch and layering her in mittens and warm clothes. I was late, as per usual, to the support group I attend every Monday.

I eventually made it to the meeting, and also as per usual, was not judged for being late. In fact, we were all told to congratulate ourselves for making it there. And with that, I was in a safe place.

When it came time for me to speak, I decided to bring to light something I have been silently struggling with for the past eighteen months that I’ve been a mother. This post, though, is not about that struggle in particular, but a small prayer of gratitude for the sacred space called “Mother Woman” that allows me to share what feels insurmountable and leave feeling lighter each week.

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When I learned I was pregnant, I knew I’d need support when the baby arrived. And somehow physical help with my new baby seemed to pale in comparison to the emotional support I knew I would need to weather the enormous and overwhelming transition into motherhood.

So, I had a group for new mothers picked out halfway through my pregnancy. When my baby finally arrived, that group was the one place I could go during those first few weeks and months when the life I had previously known felt like it had been paused, and the majority of my time was spent at home nursing and sleeping. It was a place where my baby could cry….a place where I could cry. There was no judgement and a whole lot of voices speaking the truth about this beautiful but confusing experience I was going through.

But then I was no longer a new mother and my baby was no longer a newborn so we outgrew the group. Yet, I felt like I needed support more than ever as I started to have feelings and experiences that I felt very alone in (mostly while browsing my Facebook newsfeed full of “motherhood is so great and special!” posts). I spent many months suffering without an outlet and feared I would soon slip into postpartum depression. Until one day when a new group (part of a larger organization) formed right across the street from my house—a group that has become critical to my sanity and serenity as a mother.

In our lives as mothers we spend so much of our time and energy nurturing others, but we, ourselves, need to be nurtured in order to continue this tough job. We need to know we are not alone in our struggles, to feel heard (and perhaps validated), to be totally real without fear of judgement. We need other mothers.

I am incredibly grateful for the group of mothers I have found who always manage to leave me feeling nurtured and empowered. And I urge other mothers to find the same!

Light and love, sisters!