The hidden benefits of extended breastfeeding

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This post was written as part of Mothering’s “Blog about breastfeeding” event in celebration of World Breastfeeding week, August 1-7. You can read more stories on mothering.com, here. And stay tuned here (on this blog!) all week for more posts about breastfeeding by yours truly.

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Though our country is slow to open its mind to extended breastfeeding, the proof is in the pudding (or science, really). Breastfeeding into toddlerhood (and beyond) provides an astounding amount of benefits to your child. It benefits their insides with stronger immune systems, improved vision and hearing, lower incidence of chronic illness (diabetes, heart disease, degenerative nervous system disorders) in both childhood and adulthood, and fewer stomach-related issues. It benefits their outsides with leaner bodies and healthier skin. It benefits them emotionally by fostering confidence and independence; and intellectually by adding points to their IQ for every extra month and year that you continue to breastfeed. Not to mention, it benefits your health (and sanity, as extended breastfeeders are known to be easier to discipline).

Yet, there’s no denying that breastfeeding isn’t without its challenges.

I talked about the (sometimes) steep learning curve of those early, newborn days here. But, here’s what I didn’t say: you aren’t exactly out of the woods once you get past the newborn hurdle. Yes, things were easier on a daily basis after I got the hang of breastfeeding. For sure. But then, I had to contend with things like milk supply issues (too much or too little), blocked milk ducts, mastitis (breast infection), eliminating some beloved food groups from my diet for the sake of my child’s health, and let’s not forget to mention….teething and months of biting.

I’ve noticed that the three most common phases for moms to stop breastfeeding happen to coincide with what were the most difficult times to breastfeed (for me): the newborn period, 6-months and 12-months. Inevitably, new phases of development for your babe mean new phases in your breastfeeding relationship.

Personally, I am so grateful that I didn’t give up during any one of those challenging times. Believe me, I wanted to in so many moments. But, in making it to the other side, I discovered that breastfeeding a toddler is quite wonderful. The health benefits are great—amazing, in fact—but it’s the less talked about benefits that happen in real time (because I can’t exactly see a picture of my future adult child’s healthy heart) that make extended breastfeeding a real privilege.

Here’s what I get to enjoy now: a sweet, loving ritual minus all the pain and anxiety. Breastfeeding my toddler is so easy and fulfilling. I can see tangible results of all the hours and days and months we have logged as a breastfeeding duo in my child’s sense of security in the world…in the mutual trust and respect we’ve created. What’s more, I am now loving and nurturing a (more) mature, responsive being. In so many ways, I can feel my child thanking me and loving me back while she nurses. We have our own language of call-and-response hums and eye blinks (really) that we use while we nurse. We hold hands, we play with each other’s hair, we smile and laugh. Our relationship is magical and unique. And you see, that’s just it. It’s those benefits that you can’t find in a book or on someone else’s list that make extended breastfeeding worth the effort.

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If you missed my previous post, Breastfeeding: A true story, you can read it here.

Up next: 10 things that surprised me about breastfeeding

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Breastfeeding: A true story

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This post was written as part of Mothering’s “Blog about breastfeeding” event in celebration of World Breastfeeding week, August 1-7. You can read more stories here. And stay tuned here (on this blog!) all week for more posts about breastfeeding by yours truly.

Before I had a child, I thought of breastfeeding in fairytale terms. I imagined white, glowing light surrounding me as I cradled my fictitious babe. We would stare lovingly into one another’s eyes as I sang lullabies and birds chirped outside the window. It would be effortless, sweet and the most natural thing in the world.

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After giving birth to my first child, I kept this fantasy alive for exactly one feeding. That first latch was textbook perfect, and thrilling in a new, beautiful way. But shortly thereafter, the fantasy began to unwind and reality showed itself as cracked nipples, painful hours of feeding, and constant demands.

While still in the hospital with my new baby, I pushed the call button at 15-minute intervals, desperate for the help of a nurse. My baby would fuss and want milk, but I couldn’t get her to latch on. I fumbled with my own breasts, which now felt like completely foreign objects I had no idea how to operate. I couldn’t remember how to execute any one of the countless positions the nurses taught me over and over….and over again, let alone successfully hand express even a drop of milk.

The day I left the hospital, my milk came in. And I hoped that some magical mama powers would come in along with it. Instead, I continued to struggle. Even after several visits from my homebirth midwives and my doula, I continued to struggle. I would layer two different kinds of nipple salves on my cracked, bleeding nipples after every feeding. Twelve to fifteen applications every day. It was so bad, at times, that I had to use my birth visualization and deep breathing techniques to get though a feeding. But, I kept going and prayed that someday it would feel like a natural, normal experience, because there was an exchange of love underneath all that pain.

There were times I wanted to give up. There were tears and frustration, and late night phone calls to the pediatrician, because my newborn refused to eat.

Then, on a day I can’t quite remember, in a way I can’t explain, there was a shift. Somewhere amidst a sea of soaked breast pads and little birdie lips, everything was fine. It didn’t look like my fantasy, but it was beautiful and real.

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And that’s just the thing. Breastfeeding doesn’t always look the way you’d expect. It’s imperfect, and sometimes surprising. It’s getting lost beneath eight support pillows or unintentionally spraying your child (or husband) in the eye. It’s having a foot in your face for twenty minutes or a tiny acrobat on your lap who can somehow revolve around 360 degrees without ever unlatching. It’s hiding behind a bookshelf in the children’s section of the library, leaning over a car seat on the side of the highway to calm a screaming child, or out in the open at a Mexican restaurant. It’s in the shower, on the slide at the playground, or under a black cape at the hair salon.

Sometimes, there is heart-warming eye contact, a tiny hand running through your hair, and a feeling of “this is the stuff of life and I never want it to end.” And sometimes, there is nipple biting, not enough time alone with your own body, and sleep deprivation. But there is one thing you can count on to be there all of the time—the relationship and bond only you and your babe can know. There is the part of the fantasy that is real, and that makes it all worth it.

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Stay tuned this week for more on breastfeeding.
Up next: Breastfeeding a toddler

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Photo Friday

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Little Miss Emerson was a great sport at the photo shoot yesterday, but also thoroughly confused about the camera being pointed at someone other than herself (after enduring almost 15 months of constant documentation)…

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So, eventually she switched clothes with the “model” and joined the fun….

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Back in the photog game?

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Making (the right) career decisions has been challenging ever since I conceived Emerson. Everything changed for me in that one moment—at the same time providing focus and a need to pause. While I had envisioned my three entrepreneurial ventures (portrait photography, selling fine art, and blogging) fitting perfectly into my life as a mother (and pregnant woman), that’s just not the way things turned out for me.

So, I had to make some tough choices. I don’t talk much about this here, but trying to start a business—let alone THREE—is not a small task. Nor an easy one. So, blogging it was…at least for the time being.

Yet, I can’t help but feel the pull of my other passion: photography. I do take a fair share of photos on a daily basis with Em, but it’s different. I still crave the rush I feel during a photo session….the excitement of pouring over hundreds of still images on my computer…the thrill of seeing people’s faces light up when they see the final product. And while I’m still not sure when I will get back to building my photography business, I have been feeling, lately, like I need to do a little something here and there in order to fulfill that part of me and keep sane. It’s like a small pledge to myself….”it’s just a break, Alexa.”

Anyway, I did a photo shoot this morning, which somehow turned into three more photo shoots in the next month. Is it a sign? I’m not sure. But, it felt AWESOME to be behind the lens (of something other than an iphone)! And it gave me a little taste of what life could be like…..Emerson running around the grass, watching her mama do what she loves. Not a bad life, if you ask me!

Stay tuned for more photos from my photo shoot….

 

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Extended vacation

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We are programmed as children to associate summertime with nothingness. Lazy, carefree, amazing nothingness. But, then we grow up.

Personally, I have yet to retrain myself as an adult. It’s just so hard to feel motivated to live on a schedule, be productive or work from about May until September. And this summer has been especially challenging in that regard since I have been living on what is basically an extended vacation. I have been virtually chore-free, devoid of any house projects or maintenance, I never have to cook. And my days consist of trips to the beach or city or aquarium or or or. I mean, I just can’t work. Who wants to work while on vacation?

The thing is, as much as I love summer fun, I am a crazy person who also craves schedules and productivity and goal seeking. Yes, while having the time of my life, part of me is always waiting for that glorious moment when the air shifts to fall, and it’s time to shop for new pencils and planners and notebooks. Metaphorically speaking.

In the meantime, just like the end of any good vacation, I am sad to see this boarding school adventure end yet excited to get home and back to my life. It will still be summer, but this time next week, I’ll be unpacked and (hopefully) newly inspired and full of ideas. I will miss this perfect little spot (seriously, Andover, Mass is amazing for life with a kid), but I look forward to getting my blog on again. See you there!

 

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Knocked up

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On this day, two years ago, I wandered through the forest in the Adirondack Mountains with my husband. I didn’t know it then, but it was the last day I would wander, anywhere, as a singular person. Yes, I would conceive my first child the next day, on a fallen tree.

And life would never be the same again.

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As I was taking a walk with Emerson yesterday, I thought about the last two years of my life—never alone, always sharing my uterus, breast, arms or bed. I thought about that last day as a non-pregnant, non-mother woman in the woods, not yet able to understand how massively altered my existence would soon become. I wanted it so badly. I was ready. I had lived my youth fully—traveled, tried new things, moved cross country, loved and lost, danced until daybreak. I had more than three decades of sleeping through the night, private trips to the bathroom, lazy weekends and the use of both my hands under my belt. I was sick of my self-centered Universe…I ached to give, to think of myself less, to feel consumed and inspired.

But, as I walked with Emerson yesterday, I realized just how different the concept of being knocked up is for me now. There is surely still the rush of excitement and the impatient anticipation of what other magical creature(s) are out there waiting to be loved by me. There is still the heart-exploding joy in dreaming of a new little one being placed on my chest for the first time….of soft skin and a sweetly scented head….of coo’s and newborn cries that I have all the patience in the world to answer.

Yet, there is something else, too. The thing that I feel I’m not supposed to say out loud (or feel at all).

Panic.

Because, I’ve been there before. I can conceptualize it the second time through. I know what it feels like to be pregnant and give birth and mother a newborn….infant….toddler. And though I’ve heard that every pregnancy and birth and child is different, there is still the deep and knowing understanding of the challenges that will accompany all that joy and love and amazingness.

You see, the first time around, I most definitely thought a lot about the decision. I asked myself a thousand times: “is this the right time? Am I ready?” But, it honestly felt much easier to take that leap and just go for it, not really knowing what I was about to experience.

On the flip side…ever since just a few days after giving birth to my first, I have felt like the decision to have another is so much more complicated and confusing. Of course, a lot of that (for me) is about ideal spacing, finances, career decisions, and logistics. But. A great portion of it is also about knowing that I have to take a deep breath and jump back to the starting place I’ve been slowly moving away from the last two years. Some of it is about clinging, ever so slightly, to the tiny amount of freedom and space I’ve regained….and the intimacy of a family of three.

But, I want more kids.

So, I figure my only choice is to have faith that when there are two lines staring up at me, I will, just like the first time, be overjoyed by the promise of a new, beautiful life and embrace the experience wholly. Because, the giant, scary leaps we take in life are the ones that bring the greatest rewards.

 

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This is our life: On marriage

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Alex: Man, this is hard….When you’re married there is always this other person there to point out your mistakes. And they know you so well that nothing slips by them. Evvvvverytime you mess up….oh, there they are, like “hey, you’re doing it wrong….you need to change….what’s wrong with you?” Just….always.

Alexa: Yup. You can’t hide. And you know what? We’ve only been together for five years and we’re at this level. I mean, we sound like we’ve been married for decades. What the heck are we going to sound like when we’re old?

Alex: I don’t know…

Alexa: I think there will be a lot more silence, actually. I mean, what is left to talk about after a few decades?

Alex: The kids.

Alexa: Obviously, the kids. But, other than that….

Alex: Other than that there’s probably a whole lot of “Please stop! I’ve heard that story 900 times already!”

Alexa: Really. By the way….can you hurry up? What are you doing with that stroller?! Get it up the stairs already!

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This is our life.

 

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My top 5 tips for beaching it with the kids

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I grew up in a big beach family. We all loved the beach and summers pretty much revolved around them. In fact, the love was so grand that I never felt at home in landlocked locations and moved myself straight to California as soon as I could afford it as a young adult.

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Now, after a lifetime of beaching it, I have a collection of tips and tricks for myself, but what about with kids? Let me tell you, going to the beach with a toddler is a much different experience than lazily reading magazines in the sun. Which is why I’ve been on the lookout for good tips lately. Here’s my short list (sure to grow over the years!):

1. Use baby powder to clean up your kids. It works like magic, I swear! Simply rub the powder all over your little one(s) and the sand will slide right off! This even works on a wet, sandy kid! Plus, they end up smelling clean (even if they aren’t). I prefer Burt’s Bees, because it is talc-free, all natural and has a delicious scent. P.S. Try it on yourself, too!

2. Use a snow sled to transport kids and gear. That’s right. A sled. Either clean kids up with baby powder or dip them in the water, then put them directly on the sled. Pack up the gear along with the kids and pull the whole lot across the sand. Easy transporting and everyone stays clean!

3. Put sunscreen on the kids before you leave the house. Not only is it incredibly difficult to lotion up a kid who is really excited to be at the beach, there is the added challenge of trying to do so when they are already covered in sand (which happens immediately upon walking onto the beach).

4. Use a tote with holes in the bottom or mesh bags. Or else you’ll bring home half the beach. I’ve seen canvas bags that have holes on the bottom (need one!). Simple shake the bag and leave the sand behind. Mesh bags would work, too.

5. Buy a Lifeproof case for your phone. Because, who doesn’t want to take pictures of their kids at the beach? And who doesn’t want to ruin their smartphone (or actual camera)? Sand can destroy such devices in an instant (not to mention the water).

What about you? And great tips for beaching it with the kids?

 

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